Your boundaries are holding you back.
I’ve been thinking a lot this week about working,
Well,
Not thinking about working as much as actually working,
I almost fell asleep in my fruit bowl yesterday,
But the narrative we have around it,
And why I think we’re not achieving what we want.
I see five things that hold us back from that.
The first?
Opportunity,
Be that through oppression,
The unfairness of life,
Or less privilege,
This can’t be underrated or forgotten.
The next we have more control over.
Perfectionism,
Fear of failure,
A lack of feeling worthy of said achievement,
And finally,
A lack of willingness to do what’s required.
There are times in our lives when we’ll be knackered,
Will have to do things we don’t feel comfortable doing,
There are many times we’ll think we’re going to fail,
And yet if we’re parenting ourselves like the compassionate people that we are,
We need to do it anyway.
I see this a lot in business,
People who want a 9–5 self-employed life,
Which FYI,
No one truly successful in business actually has,
Without doing the 14-hour day decade beforehand.
I see it a lot in those who want a good relationship with food,
Who want the end goal of a lean physique and eating intuitively,
But don’t want to stop dieting,
To incorporate compassion,
Or any of the other actually ‘harder’ stuff beforehand.
Maybe I’m showing my elder millennial age here,
Or maybe it’s my own lack of days off the past few months,
But I just don’t think a lot of us are willing to do what it takes anymore,
And it’s stopping us from achieving what’s most important to us.
There’s so much talk of ‘boundaries’ now,
Take a 2 second scroll on Instagram and find a step-by-step guide on how to implement them,
And let’s be real,
I’m Brene’s lifelong fangirl and wannabe BFF,
We know boundaries are my life partner.
But you know what?
Sometimes our boundaries are holding us back,
We hide behind them as a means to avoid the work,
To avoid connection,
And maybe that’s because we’re scared of what those things bring,
Or maybe we just don’t want to do them.
Boundaries are supposed to propel you forwards,
In yourself and in business,
Not hold you back.
This isn’t about grinding harder as much as it is about figuring out what you’re putting off,
Identifying your driving force behind that.
Maybe it’s as simple as a lack of work ethic,
You just don’t think you should ‘have’ to work that hard,
So, you don’t.
If this is you,
At the risk of sounding like Kim K,
I can tell you quite confidently,
You won’t get where you want to be anytime soon,
If ever.
But the rest of you?
The majority?
Figure out why you’re using your boundaries to hold yourself back.
Perfectionism and fear of failure usually come skipping along hand in hand,
Prime example being a clear boundary of not eating what other people cook for you,
Because it’s ‘in line with what’s important’ to you,
Yet really,
It’s driven by a need to be perfect on your diet,
And a fear of stepping outside of that,
Because you can’t trust yourself,
And you’ll ‘probably binge’.
That boundary is holding you back in your relationship with food,
Not helping you progress through it.
A lack of feeling worthy of achieving you say?
Your overly tight boundaries are actually stopping you from ever achieving,
Because they’re hindering the amount of work you can do,
Because boundaries help quality of work,
But when over-implemented,
Can stifle quantity.
So alas,
You prove yourself right,
You’re not good enough to achieve,
And we love to be right more than anything,
We act in line with what we believe.
You are good enough to achieve,
You’re just holding yourself back.
It’s a very anti-woke email from me today,
Saying that you might be able to do more,
To work harder,
To show up for yourself more,
And no,
I’m not remotely hormonal.
I just want the best for you,
In your relationships with food,
Your careers,
And your relationships.
And often?
That looks like failing,
Mess,
And boundaries that support your growth,
Not hold you back.
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