Masturbation May (in July)

It’s no longer May but the month must always be celebrated,
It came fast,
Unfortunately,
But time flies when you’re having fun,
And over the age of 30.

I come to you from Albania,
And thank god,
It’s been a while since I had the D,
It’s 24 degrees,
And I’m sweating my fried eggs off.

The country itself is beautiful,
It’s just the right size,
For me, that is,
And the tips,
Although sprinkled white with snow,
Are the most aesthetic mountains I’ve seen.

I digress,
Today’s topic of choice isn’t my travels,
But rather,
Your travels,
Down south.

If you’re not feeling yourself today,
Then it’s time to delve deep,
Because if Masturbation May taught us anything,
Feeling yourself isn’t just for Beyonce.

Masturbation is hands down,
Your pants,
One of the best forms of self-care,
Because it’s meditative,
Immersive,
It’s cliterally climactic.

In fact,
Paddling the pink canoe is associated with better sleep,
Better body image,
Higher self-esteem,
Better mood,
Emotional regulation,
And better sexual satisfaction.

And what do all of the above have in common?
Let’s say it together now,
Their association with disordered eating…

Softening the peach has the power,
At least indirectly,
To positively impact your relationship with food,
If you use it…

Nurturing the bean is a method of giving yourself compassion,
You wouldn’t think twice about lavishing your partner with exploration and attention,
But yourself?
Let’s not be silly.

Let’s reclaim DIY as radical self-love,
Use it as a means to come back to ourselves,
Live inside our bodies,
Instead of constantly looking at them from the external gaze,
The ‘shoulds’ of society,
Or the expectations of our diets.

If you’ve time this weekend,
Fill your slot with my podcast with Caroline here,
We spoke about sex shame and more,
So much that I’ve had multiple messages from women saying they finally got the confidence to speak to their partners,
And have better sex as a result.

Engage in the safest sex there is,
Slip it into your schedule this weekend,
And have a great one.

Find out more about working with me here.